There’s no hard-and-fast rule for qualifying a piece of jargon [>>]]]> Jargon is an inescapable part of business culture. And while some words and phrases make us cringe and plug our ears from the buzzword-overload–as we’ve previously noted– there are nevertheless times when the right bit of jargon is the perfect cure for a business’ communicative efforts.

There’s no hard-and-fast rule for qualifying a piece of jargon as “acceptable” or “horrible.”  So that’s why it’s important to have a healthy list of examples to draw from before you begin venturing out on your own.  Not only can you sprinkle these tried-and-tested words into your daily language and remain fresh and vibrant in your writing, but examining this larger pool of words will give you the background co be able to decide whether a particular phrase is dynamic or dull.

Let’s begin!

1| Al desco (adj or adv)

Definition: eating a meal at one’s desk

Why we love it: We don’t love the trend of desk dining, especially if it’s happening at dinnertime, but we do like this playful phrase to describe the ever-increasing phenomenon.

2| Backstory (noun)

Definition: Jason Bourne had one; Starsky and Hutch had one as well. Made popular by Hollywood screenwriters, this word has crept into our everyday vocabularies to describe the events—whether real or made up—that precede the story at hand. Business folks have caught the fever and the word is often used as the “context” surrounding an action or decision.

Why we love it: If it works for Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Jerry Bruckheimer, it works for us.

3| Bag of doorknobs (noun)

Definition: A website with poor navigation and too many links, i.e. there are too many “doors” to enter and no logical information structure to guide users toward the information they want.

Why we love it: It’s a clever turn of phrase to quickly summarize a confused website in need of some help, plus it conjures up cool Harry Potter imagery.

4| Crowdsourcing (noun)

Definition: using the average intelligence of a large number of people to solve a problem or create a product more quickly—and sometimes with better results—than with a small group of informed experts. Wikipedia.org is the most famous crowdsourcing project.

Why we love it: This Web 2.0 buzzword is not a fuzzword.

5|Deep dive (noun)

Definition: to explore or discuss something in great detail; i.e., “The presentation will provide an overview. Then you can do a deep dive when you meet one-on-one with participants.”

Why we love it: There’s nothing fuzzy about this descriptive metaphor.

6| Duck shuffler (noun)

Definition: someone who disrupts a nearly complete project.

Why we love it: Everyone can relate to the experience of having someone swoop in and change or complicate something after you’ve put all your ducks in a row. It’s a silly enough term to use without putting someone on the defensive, and the image is fantastic.

7| Emoticons (noun)

Definition: a series of letters and symbols that emulate a facial expression, typically in an email, instant message, or text message.

Why we love it: How can you hate smiley faces (when used with restraint), or the cleverly coined word for them?

8| Fuzzword (noun)

Definition: a meaningless buzzword; in other words, business jargon. According to Marketing News, “a fuzzword carries with it an aura of a new, more exciting reality, but one that has no basis in the real world.”

Why we love it: We don’t like the fuzz, but we like having a word to describe it.

9| Google (verb)

Definition: to perform a Web search (of course, named after the popular search engine); e.g., “I’m going to google my blind date.”

Why we love it: The abbreviation is handy, the word is catchy, and we wish we had stock in the company.

10| Grep (verb)

Definition: The general-purpose, geeky cousin of “to google,” grep means to search, both online and off. Therefore, googling someone is merely one way to grep them. Sometimes, however, the word is also used to mean “to apprehend,” as in “grep a clue and get lost.”

Why we love it: What’s not to love about this mellifluous, alliterative companion to grok? It offers an alternative to the overused “google it!”

11|Grok (verb)

Definition: in Internet-nerd slang, to grok means to understand something to an almost Zen-like state, usually something that is known to a small subculture. For example, a programmer may claim that he or she “groks” a programming language.

Why we love it: Grok is one of those words that acts as a line in the sand: You get it or you don’t. It’s useful for separating out the nerd elite from the normal people.

12| Hallmarketing (noun)

Definition: de rigueur in the United States, hallmarketing is the holiday push that starts weeks or months before the holiday is even on your radar.

Why we love it: We saw Valentine’s Day merchandise on January 3rd, and we’re sure the Easter bunny isn’t far behind. Now we have a clever word for the irritating trend.

13| Iceberg principle (noun)

Definition: the idea that in any situation, only a small part of the problem will initially be visible (from Understanding American Business Jargon: A Dictionary)

Why we love it: If you’re doomed to be the next Titanic, at least you can identify what you’re facing with a snappy catch phrase.

14| Jump the couch (noun)

Definition: curious behavior that has a negative impact on people’s perception of you (i.e., Tom Cruise)

Why we love it: A perfect play on “jump the shark,” an expression denoting when the time has come for a TV series or actor. Anyone who has seen clips of Tom Cruise jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch like a lovesick maniac will appreciate this phrase. Perhaps by immortalizing this bizarre incident as jargon we’ll be reminded of things we shouldn’t do.

15| Knock the cover off the ball (verb)

Definition: to wildly exceed expectations. Co-opted from baseball, in which it refers to a batter whacking a ball with so much force that the leather comes off.

Why we love it: Just envision Roy Hobbs knocking the cover off the ball in “The Natural.” Is there a spot for Robert Redford in the All-Star Game?

16| Lunch and learn (noun)

Definition: a meeting held at lunchtime featuring a presentation, workshop, or other opportunity to learn.

Why we love it: Because “brown bag” is just so 10 minutes ago.

17| Mission-critical (adjective)

Definition: extremely important, essential for function, vital to the success of a stated goal; e.g., “Faced with rejections dance after dance, Jimmy began to understand that deodorant was never just a suggestion for the fall formal; it was a mission-critical factor.”

Why we love it: It says what it means in clear, precise language: mission, critical. You immediately know the severity of the action you’re about to undertake and the potential ramifications of its consequences. Fail, and you have a severe problem on your hands. Succeed, and you’ve potentially saved the day. We also like this phrase because it makes us sound like astronauts whenever we use it.

18| Narrowcasting (verb)

Definition: the opposite of broadcasting. Used in the marketing sense, it means sending a message to a small group of people likely to respond vs. contacting a large group where response rates will probably be much lower. See the long tail.

Why we love it: It’s a descriptive term for a good concept-knowing your audience and packaging your message appropriately.

19| Ping (verb)

Definition: to touch base with someone, typically via email or instant messenger

Why we love it: It’s onomatopoeic and it packs more punch than email, its less glamorous synonym.

20| Shelfware (noun)

Definition: also called coasterware, this is software that you purchase and then don’t use — it just sits on the shelf.

Why we love it: It’s descriptive and, unfortunately, all too relevant. Is there a similar word to describe the unworn shoes in our closets?

21| Soup to nuts (adjective)

Definition: Completing every aspect of a project or building every aspect of a technology from beginning to end. Refers to a traditional full-course meal, beginning with soup and ending with nuts as the dessert.

Why we love it: It’s a descriptive analogy and we like the obscure, old-timey reference. Plus, who doesn’t love incorporating food metaphors into the workplace?

22| Spit (noun)

Definition: spam over Internet telephony; now you can have unwanted messages and advertisements delivered to you twice as fast.

Why we love it: Like “ping,” SPIT is what it sounds like: something you need to get rid of.

23| Splog (noun)

Definition: a fake blog created by spammers in order to generate click-through ad revenue, usually featuring fake articles heavy on keywords in order to increase the blog’s Google ranking.

Why we love it: Web 2.0 brings its own nuisances, and this short monosyllabic word is perfect for describing one of them.

24| Subject matter expert (noun)

Definition: Someone others call on for the 411 about a particular topic.

Why we love it: It’s not a new term, but this dot-com phrase has been experiencing a sudden renaissance and we’re all for it. If you hear the acronym “SME,” you’ll know what it means.

25| Word of mouse (noun)

Definition: old-fashioned word of mouth with a viral marketing spin. For example, the “forward to a friend” button on many websites and email newsletters is an example of word of mouse.

Why we love it: Free advertising combined with the speed and reach of the Internet? That’s an excellent holiday gift.

26| Zerotasking (noun)

Definition: daydreaming, sitting around, doing nothing. According to buzzwhack.com, the term originated with a New Yorker cartoon picturing a “serene-looking man plopped in a comfy chair.”

Why we love it: It’s more fun than multitasking, but we do keep our zerotasking to a minimum.

Martin Luther had [>>]]]> The concept of jargon reached new levels of importance last week when it was elevated from boardroom to courtroom. Fed up with inaccessible language within its system, Britain’s local government association (LGA) put its foot down. No longer tolerated are the terms taxonomy, re-baselining, mainstreaming, holistic governance, contestability, predictors of beaconicity—and 194 more.

Martin Luther had 95 Theses; the LGA has 200 terms to avoid. And they’re doing more than nailing them to a church door—they’re making policy out of them, banning them entirely from official use.

“The public sector must not hide behind impenetrable jargon and phrases. Why do we have to have ‘coterminous, stakeholder engagement’ when we could just ‘talk to people’ instead? . . .” said LGA Chairman Margaret Eaton in an official press release. “Councils have a duty, not only to provide value for money to local people, but also to tell people what they get for the tax they pay. People would be furious if they have no idea of what services their cash is paying for and how they should get to use them.”

It only makes sense. The best way to reach people is through plain language, and the antithesis of plain language is jargon. Jargon can certainly be clever and catchy—heck, Tendo devotes an entire feature to it each month—but it can also be confusing and cumbersome.

It’s a good lesson for marketers. Jargon can be great when talking to other marketers who actually speak the language. But when trying to communicate with your target audience, there’s little point in presenting the air of faux legitimacy that jargon can instill, especially if it obscures the message you’re ultimately trying to get across.

As the saying goes, if it’s good enough for government work . . .

It’s a straightforward value proposition: The kids deliver the entertainment (a parade of little fairies, superheroes and bumblebees). The adults pay for the favor (preferably with a gooey candy bar and not a box of organic raisins—yuck).

Business can be more complicated, but in some ways it’s [>>]]]> If only all business transactions were as simple as Halloween.

It’s a straightforward value proposition: The kids deliver the entertainment (a parade of little fairies, superheroes and bumblebees). The adults pay for the favor (preferably with a gooey candy bar and not a box of organic raisins—yuck).

Business can be more complicated, but in some ways it’s the same. When the ghosts and princesses hit the sidewalk at Halloween, they’re looking to score one thing and it’s NOT healthy snacks. Adults who persist in seeing the holiday from a grown-up point-of-view quickly lose little customers. (“Don’t go there; that house always gives out granola bars!”)

Likewise, it’s easy in business to lose sight of the fact that there are differences between you and your customer. Your communication strategy should reflect an understanding of those differences to keep customers engaged and coming back for more. Here are four common mistakes and how you can avoid them.

Communication organized for internal purposes rather than customer needs

Visiting a large company’s website can be an exercise in patience and perseverance. Many are organized around internal corporate structures that mean little to the customer.

Internally, it may be important that Jack Jones is the head of ABC Division while Martha Smith runs XYZ Division, but do your customers care? No, they just want to know where to buy their widget or how to use it.

(And don’t even get me started on how communication initiatives are funded at many big companies, where divisional funding may mean the right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing.)

What to do: Don’t base your website or other communication efforts on your org chart. Organize customer communication around the needs of your customers and eliminate the inside jargon.

“Put yourself in your customers’ shoes. Why would they come to your website in the first place?”

Talking to yourself rather than your target audience

It’s human nature: we communicate the way we like to be communicated to. But that may be the wrong strategy for your business.

Take a look around your office. Do you and your coworkers look like your target customer? Do you receive and process information the same way?

For example, I recently wrote about the rise of social media like MySpace and Facebook and the implications for customer communication. Do your marcom people know what message and media will break through the clutter?

This is especially challenging for mature industries, where staff may be a different generation than your target audience. This isn’t ageism; I’m not suggesting some sort of Logan’s Run-like forced retirement for everyone over the age of 35. It’s not about the age of the communicator, but understanding the audience needs.

What to do: Establish a profile of your customers and understand how they are different from you. Communicate via the channels and in the form that they want rather than what is convenient or easy for you.

Too much … everything

This is a weird thing to hear from somebody who works at a “content agency” but there is way too much content out there. Most of it does not add value, but is merely “noise” through which customers must navigate.

When your customers visit your website or interact with your communication collateral, what is the experience you want them to have? Do you provide a clear path to information? Are you quickly communicating how you can solve their problems?

Many companies employ a kitchen sink strategy to communication—let’s cram it all in there. For example, a piece of content designed to be a “400-word piece” balloons to more than 1,000 words because various stakeholders wanted to include every angle, feature, or messaging buzzword. But is that serving a customer need or an internal one?

What to do: Keep it simple! Be brutal and prune unnecessary content or jargon that does not aid the customer or target audience. Make sure that there is a clear, streamlined path toward the ultimate action you want your customer to take, be that clicking on “buy now” or, for more expensive, complex purchasing cycles, “tell me more.”

Solving your problem instead of your customers’

Like any business, your primary goal is generating more sales. Of course, your customer’s goal is something completely different. They’re looking to solve their problems. For your customer, the sale that you ring up is simply the byproduct of satisfying their particular needs.

Obvious, right?

But then why is so much customer communication built around what businesses want (the sale) rather than what customers want or need (their problem solved).

Put yourself in your customers’ shoes. Why would they come to your website in the first place? If you run an office supply store, they may come looking for paper clips and just need an order form. But if you’re selling technology or a service or something more complicated, you need to address the customer needs first: educate, illuminate, build goodwill and thus move them forward in the purchase cycle.

I’m not suggesting that anyone make it difficult to find the “buy” button. Once you’ve convinced customers you can solve their problem, you want to make the sale as easy as possible. But skip the education and goodwill at your own risk.

What to do: Write down what problem(s) your product or service solves. Now look at your website. Is the solution you’re offering obvious on the highest levels of the site? Remember that your customers aren’t buying a box of widgets, they’re buying what those widgets can do for them.

In short, think about your communications in terms of the handfuls of candy you toss into plastic pumpkins each year. You may not be a candy corn type, but are you giving your customers what they want? In customer communications, as in certain candy-rich holidays, it’s important to remember this: It’s not about you.